Miss Smarty Pants

A few nights ago, I walked Nixon and the girls down to the park. Upon arrival, Claudia was excited to see so many "friends" there. (Anyone under four feet tall is considered a "friend".) The following conversation was had with one particular "friend" who darted up to us as soon as we stepped onto the playground:

Friend: "Hey, what's you dog's name?

Me: "Nixon."

Friend: "I don't like that name."

Me: "Really?"

Friend: "Yeah, I'm not going to pet your dog. My mom is allergic to dogs and she is going to be here in a little while to pick me up. I don't want to have your dog's germs on me."

Me: "ok?"

Friend: (while rubbing her dirty little mitts all of over Mallory's face) "Is he a boy or girl?"

Me: "She's a girl."

Friend: "What's his name?"

Me: "Her name is Mallory."

Friend: "Oh, he's cute."

Claudia: "Hey, what's your name?"

Friend: "Katie"

Claudia: "My name's Claudia"

Katie: "That's a weird name"

Claudia: "Yeah, you wanna swing?"

(Conversation moves to the swings)

Katie: "Hey, you are not swinging right. You need to kick your legs out when you go up and move them back when you go back."

Claudia: "You wanna go high in the sky? Hey mommy, push me high in the sky."

Katie: "Let me push her"

Me: "Um, ok. So, how old are you, Katie?"

Katie: "I'm five. In another birthday, I will be six. Do you know that everyone has a birthday. Even your dog has a birthday. Did you know that?"

Me: "I sure did"

Katie: "How old are you?"

Me: "32"

Katie: "WHOA!"

Claudia: "Push me high...high in the sky."

Katie: "Actually, I push people according to their age. You are little so you don't get to go very high." (true story, this five year old used "actually" and "according to" in the same sentence)

Claudia: "Higher! High in the sky."

Katie: "Just a little bit.....OH OUCH!!!!" (she dramatically grabbed her back like I've seen my grandmother do) "Oh! I just wrenched my back!! (true story, this five year old used "wrenched" in a sentence)

Me: "Are you okay?"

Instantly, a scene flashed into my head. We were in a courtroom and there sat Katie representing herself. She had just slapped a massive lawsuit on my three year old for pain and suffering.

Katie skipped on over to the curly slide, confirming to me that she was ok. I decided to cut the evening's park visit short. My geriatric butt strolled my cute little boy and swing-inapt daughter home along side my poorly-named, germ-ridden pooch.